Unpack that

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to show up for yourself and embrace the mess that lives underneath. Because, let's be real, it's exhausting always being fine. So grab your headphones and allow yourself to listen, laugh and even cry, because you are not alone. And we aren't always fine, and that's okay.

Speaker 2: 0:27

I'm your host, christine, and I'm Teresa, so let's freaking get into it, all right, so Titi, we're doing something a little different.

Speaker 3: 0:34

I know you love change and we're going to call this Unpack that, so I went into my therapist bag of tricks.

Speaker 3: 0:44

Oh boy went into my therapist bag of tricks and picked out my cards that are like conversation starters. I picked four random cards, and so what we're going to do is I'm going to ask you a question and you're going to answer oh boy, and if you are listening out there, if you would like to answer the question as well, you can go ahead and click that text us in the top of your show notes and submit your answer. All right, you're on the hot seat, let's go. I've got four cards spread out on my desk right now. I want you to either like number or number two. Okay, what is your? I call them like human superpower, like just something you're so good at that it should just be considered a superpower.

Speaker 2: 1:31

Oh man, not giving a shit, okay.

Speaker 3: 1:36

I can buy that the therapist in me though unpack that. What else do you want? I don't know. You don't like that, answer no no, I like that answer right, but let's unpack that Not giving a shit. Ok, so when you say not giving a shit, what goes either into not giving a shit? Right, like, how do you determine if a shit is given? And do not use me as an example, because I know all of my shits are given. I've gotten so much better, but yes, you have gotten better.

Speaker 2: 2:04

I think in order to not give a shit, you have to be confident, and I think that is a strong suit of mine. It's so hard to talk about stuff like that, because then people read into it and are like, oh, you're cocky or you're this, and it's like, no, no, no, they're two very different things.

Speaker 3: 2:20

She's from Philly, Of course. She's cocky With confidence, though, and not giving a shit. Is there like a layer of authenticity to not like Definitely? Can you be, I guess, inauthentic and not give a shit, or is that just like not self-aware then?

Speaker 2: 2:37

I mean I guess you could. I mean I guess people could use that as a way of like hiding insecurity maybe. But I think that's kind of hard, because when you don't give a shit, you basically are like I am who I am. Take it or leave it. If you don't like it, keep it moving. So I think it's kind of hard to be inauthentic that way, because not everybody likes that. So, like I am well aware that I'm not everyone's cup of tea, Like I'm very aware of that and I'm fine with it, and you talk with your hands, so that's probably why.

Speaker 2: 3:12

I do, and that drives people insane it does drive people insane.

Speaker 3: 3:14

It's so funny.

Speaker 2: 3:15

The amount of comments on social media I get about talking with my hands. It makes me want to do it more.

Speaker 3: 3:20

I was just going to say that is a lie. The only time that I've ever seen you do it and I know exactly the type of content I'm getting is where I feel like you're not in control of your limbs. Yeah, on purpose.

Speaker 3: 3:32

Yes, exactly, purposely flailing. I was like, oh, I for sure know what type of content that is. It could be a series on your TikTok. Did you start like harnessing, I guess, that superpower of like not giving a shit? And what was the turning point of of that? Was it born out of insecurity? Was it born out of acceptance? Was born out of healing?

Speaker 2: 3:50

To be honest, I don't really know. I actually asked my parents this because I mean, you know Owen, my son. He is very much that way. I mean he's six and he is just like he don't care who he is, who he is. So I asked my parents that I was like, was I always like that? Or because Owen has always been that way? And my mom told me that I always was just like that.

Speaker 2: 4:12

I marched to the beat of my own drum. I didn't really care what other people thought. So I don't know if part of that is from being from a big family and being towards the bottom and kind of like you have to be that way. I don't know. I never really got into like girl groups or like any of that, like catty type stuff. I was friends with a lot of different groups. So to be honest, I don't know. I think it's grown as I've gotten older, because you learn lessons and you learn how you're perceived. You learn whether things matter to you. The older I get, I think, the more not giving of a shit I am, because life is short.

Speaker 3: 4:50

So Well, I think you've like summarized not giving a shit with a bunch of different like things under the Teresa umbrella of not giving a shit. I also feel like there's a component of values, right. I think part of not giving a shit has to be rooted in being authentic and then also true to who you are, so that you can not give a shit about the rest of it Absolutely. As it relates to Owen real quick, I find it fascinating. Obviously, I got diagnosed with rare disease later than a whole 20, 21 years, like after he did, and he's grown up with this, and I wonder if there is a link, though, between what you go through like that and, again, this very bucket umbrella term of not giving a shit, right? Because I do believe, as I was faced with more challenges, I had to start weaning away the shits I could give or the spoons I could give to outside things.

Speaker 2: 5:46

That's a good point.

Speaker 3: 5:47

I mean, yeah, he's been through so much, which is also why it's heartbreaking whenever I know that he's struggling with being bigger than the rest of the kindergartners, or. But there's also times where, like in that school play picture you sent me he I wish that our listeners could see this photo because, oh, it's the best picture ever he is like in this, like I don't know snowman Snowman, yeah, costume and he just towering over these kindergartners. For sure it looks like a fourth grader in a kindergartner line and just like the amount of like pride he has in being him in that space. Yeah, but we're all human, so there's going to be that flip of it, right, and I think it's great that you're helping him. Give a shit about his emotions, if you will, right, but yeah, but not give a shit about the outside influences yeah, and I think that's a big part of it.

Speaker 2: 6:32

Just because you're someone that doesn't give a shit, it doesn't mean you don't give a shit about anything. It just means that you know who you are and I don't give a shit about the outside voices that try and tell me I'm someone. I'm not.

Speaker 3: 6:46

So here we are, folks, we have unpacked it. It is while under the umbrella for Teresa, her superpower is not giving a shit. There are so many layers Self-awareness, values, authenticity, and so that's at the root of those things that you find to be your superpowers, that living in your existence, oh yeah, Living in your existence like purely in a way that you know works for you, fits in your life and, you know, stays true to yourself, yeah, and is authentic. Yes, 100%. All right, we're down to three cards on my desk One, two or three. One You're going to not like me. What are you still trying to prove to yourself?

Speaker 2: 7:27

I feel like I'm in a job interview.

Speaker 3: 7:31

If a job is asking you this on an interview, just walk out. They have zero boundaries and have no reason to be this deep into your mind.

Speaker 2: 7:43

I would say that I can do whatever I put my mind to, because I mean, you know, my life has shifted in so many different directions and so many different career paths and each time it does that it's usually against my will, it's usually not not part of my plan. So I like sit with that and then try and tell myself like okay, this isn't what you planned, but you can do it. So I think I'm always trying to prove and I also think sometimes like I'm doing really well in the social media space right now, but at the end of this month I'm like I can do better next month. I don't know what that is. I don't know if that's just like a constant drive for wanting to be better in the space I'm in. I don't know. But I think just prove that I can do it, that I can hit whatever curveball is thrown my way. I would say it that way. All right Are you ready?

Speaker 3: 8:35

Let's unpack that, okay. So I heard a lot right there, and one of the things I heard, though, is I am still trying to prove to myself that, even without my career, I'm worthy of, maybe, recognition, I'm worthy of validation, even if this isn't, you know, as prestigious. Or using my degree, yeah, I would say that makes sense. I mean, you can push back, I'm no expert.

Speaker 2: 9:03

No, it does In your life at least. Say that makes sense. I mean you can push back. I'm no expert. No, it does In your life at least. It is hard to go Like. I mean it's interesting because the way people perceive social media and stuff, a lot of people perceive it as not a lot of work, easy, which cracks me up because I'm like well, if that was the case, then why aren't you doing it?

Speaker 3: 9:19

I mean, I will not lie, I think social media, much like anything, right it's you can't just put something up and expect it to do well right. There's so many components that go into a good post consistent posting, you know. And I think of when I first, you know, started my business and stuff. I really think I had this delusional idea that if, like, if you put it on the Internet, they will come like the Messiah. Not true, no.

Speaker 2: 9:51

So I mean, when you go from a career like I had, it is hard to like. I went from a career of saving people's lives and getting called in in the middle of the night when they're having a heart attack and being the one that helps with the team to save them, to doing funny stuff on social media or sharing my health journey or stuff like that. So it doesn't. They're very different things and to me it's very difficult sometimes to know that I came from this all the way up here and making such an impact on people to like doing something like this and it it's not. It's hard to sometimes see the same impact. I know that I'm generating that impact, especially on the social media side of sharing about Owen and connecting with other families. So I know in that regard, but it doesn't read the same as the job that I was doing before.

Speaker 3: 10:42

A little bit sounds like I'm still proving to myself that I'm enough. I'm enough as a mother. I'm enough as a mother who's not going to have a big family right Like I'm enough as a wife. I'm enough as a person who I don't know.

Speaker 2: 10:54

I was so proud to be, like I'm a cardiovascular specialist. I loved saying it. I loved what I did. I don't when people ask what I do now. I'm like I do social media.

Speaker 3: 11:07

Well, like even the way you just said it, but like just the way you said it, right, I think there is, I think there's a shame aspect to it, right. And also, I don't know about you, but sometimes I get embarrassed before I even get to the part where I'm like oh yeah, I have a decent platform. You know I share about this, whatever have you. It's just like, oh God, my first biggest fear is someone I know will see it, and then I've got to listen to that Like to me.

Speaker 4: 11:33

I'm OK with every troll on the Internet.

Speaker 3: 11:35

What I'm not OK with is the phone call that comes like so you decided to share that in that way, or?

Speaker 2: 11:41

oh, there's so many people now that see all my stuff, that know me in real life and and. But I'm glad that I don't give a shit, because that is what would make it really hard. I am the same way. I will say I'm the same way I am on social media as I am in person, and you know that you know me both social media and in person. Yeah, so, like I will say, I think that my, I am in person and you know that you know me both social media and in person. Yeah, so, like I will say, I think that my, I am the same way, but it just doesn't to me like what I do now doesn't carry nearly as much significant weight as what I did. However, many years ago five now, five years ago, I guess. Okay, so, and you know that boils back to it not being my choice Right In the, in the beginning of me starting my social media stuff.

Speaker 2: 12:22

That was my choice. I still have my career Right. It never was supposed to be a full time thing for me. Ever I never thought it would get like this. I never thought it would throw me into so many different spaces. I never, I just never imagined it. I never imagined I would make money from it and it just you know. So it's a blessing. I'm grateful because I'm not able to do my job before, but it's. It was not a choice of mine.

Speaker 3: 12:44

So I also hear I'm still trying to prove to myself like that I can hit the curve ball, that I can be resilient, and yeah, last little note on this is don't mistake your feelings or your lack of being able to control a shitty situation for your competency with it. Right, don't mix your feelings and the facts on that. Right, because you're allowed to have your feelings about it not being in control and you're allowed to, just because you have feelings about the situation every time, does not mean right. That it equates to oh, you're not, you know you're not moving forward from it, or you're not Right, right, right.

Speaker 2: 13:24

So that will be my last little bit on that. Oh, okay, All right. So this is my first for people that don't know, ever therapy session. I've never even been in therapy.

Speaker 3: 13:39

Oh my Jesus, how are we 20 episodes in? And I've never, I've never known this about you better, yet never I. I, oh my gosh like now, are you surprised? No, not, not even a little bit. But I just feel like how, as just I'm thinking of our journey, I it's like a flat, you know, in the Barbie movie where she like has her whole life flesh before, kind of thing. Well, I also didn't see the Barbie movie, so okay, I can't lie. I just watched the first, like no no, I watched on a plane, okay.

Speaker 2: 14:00

Nope, you would be shocked if I was like Christine. I just watched the Barbie movie.

Speaker 3: 14:04

I mean, I'd be like so which one of your like uh, you lost the bet. Or one of your sons? One of your sons likes a girl and that's why, or something.

Speaker 2: 14:11

Yeah, yeah no.

Speaker 3: 14:14

Of our friendship is happening in my head right now. That was the whole point and I was just like, oh my God, like one, I'm a therapist. Two, she's 100% right. Like I'm not surprised and three in your head.

Speaker 2: 14:26

You're like this chick needs to go see somebody. Yep, I was just like wait a second.

Speaker 3: 14:30

How do I say this nicely? No, not even nicely. I'd be like oh, I know I was crazy when we worked together back then before I like really tried to like figure some stuff out for myself, but damn, it takes two. I'm kidding.

Speaker 2: 14:43

It does. Well, that's your turn now. I'm switching it. I'm out of the hot seat. I'm not doing it. No more.

Speaker 3: 14:50

Here is, unpacked, christine's version. She's been in therapy since 16.

Speaker 2: 14:55

And she doesn't have a therapist on the other end, she has just me. So we're just who has always been someone who calls me right out and makes me feel real comfortable. All right, I got two questions for you.

Speaker 3: 15:07

So pick one or two Odd numbers, so we'll go one and get it over with.

Speaker 2: 15:13

Do you think you are misunderstood?

Speaker 3: 15:15

Oh God, yes, I think I've been misunderstood my entire life, which is why I think the catalyst for anything in my life now, that is, peace, contentment and balance, was chaos in terms of my rare disease, because it finally gave me that rare label was so incredibly healing for me to be able to not silo it You're too sensitive, you're too loud, you're too this, your kindness is fake.

Speaker 3: 15:41

For so long it was so important to me that I came off genuine, that you knew I was genuine, that everything that I value you knew about me, and I think my biggest growth moment has been that it does not matter how people choose to perceive you. That's a them thing, not a you thing. So let them right. Let them be wrong about your skills, let them be wrong about your struggles, let them be wrong about your kindness. As long as I like, stick to who I am, and I know that I put my head on the pillow knowing I did the best I could with what I had at the time. I'm okay with being misunderstood now and I think it's more of something that I wear as like a badge of honor.

Speaker 2: 16:29

You know part, that's what I hear. You know what? What I hear there?

Speaker 3: 16:37

It's really true. Anyone can be a therapist, guys.

Speaker 2: 16:40

What I hear there is that you are starting to cross over the bridge and enter into not giving a shit land.

Speaker 3: 16:48

I would love you as my therapist. You want to know why? Because everything would come down to you know how like some therapists will go, like meditation, meditation, meditation or like all these like kind of like catchphrase, like therapist thing. How does that make you feel Yours? 1000% would be like the world of not giving a shit and all of its like substrates and everything. I love this for you because when we were talking about this and when that question, I was like this little shit is going to get away with everything falling under not giving a shit. Cause I was like ready to push back, is going to get away with everything falling under, not giving a shit. So I was like ready to push back on you hard. And here you are in my question bringing it back, and I'm like shit. That's yes, essentially right, At the most condensed form it's having a full circle moment a full circle moment of every.

Speaker 3: 17:31

You know all the self-help books you read. People, you need none of them.

Speaker 2: 17:39

None of them. But OK, do you think you got to that, like, do you think you would have gotten to the moment of really just accepting who you are and not really allowing people to have their perceptions? Would you have gotten there without your rare disease, or do you think that is what propelled you to get there and why?

Speaker 3: 17:54

Absolutely not. I really do believe that my rare disease was the key factor. I think there's moments in your life that honestly change and put you on the right course. Right, definitely. And sometimes they're really small and they're very reversible. Right, it's not always a death or this, and for me it was the decision to not go to PA school and to pursue social work, a field I knew nothing about, coming from a family who for sure did not believe in depression or any mental health. You know, that was just not not.

Speaker 2: 18:26

Yeah, that was the time too. Yeah, exactly A hundred percent.

Speaker 3: 18:29

So that is like one small moment right that, I think, put me on this path of realizing one. Just how scary it is in my own brain and it was not a therapist or whatever it was the easiest way in my opinion, right, when you're passively consuming information for another reason, right. So I was in school trying to get this degree. It was enough degrees away where I'm like, oh my gosh, we have an enmeshed family. Oh my gosh, not every single thing, but enough things started to open up the doors. So that was the first one.

Speaker 3: 18:56

I think the next moment I would call out in this whole journey would be choosing to marry Carrie. Unfortunately, I don't believe that would have been enough, though I think it would have put me in the space of breaking the quote, unquote rules or, you know, living more authentically, but I think there would have been so much shame and lack of that acceptance. So it's like awareness and acceptance and then tools and stuff Just deciding to marry Carrie while an act of rebellion in my Catholic Republican family and to what my internal structures and narrative were, it wouldn't have been enough. I think I would have lived just under the radar, if that makes sense, as opposed to stepping into my power. I think I would have shrunk myself, and so I think, while I think would have been very happy, within my marriage, it would have been a very closed space.

Speaker 3: 19:46

So, without a doubt, I don't see how I get here without being sick, and, in true Christine fashion, I like to control everything and whatever, and I feel like the universe sometimes puts things in your way or gives you something because you're not going where you're supposed to go. Right, it's like okay, well, you're clearly not getting the message. So here we are, we're going to literally make it so that your body stops. We're going to get this message to you and so, yeah, that's my unpacked misunderstood, which would have been very different if you probably asked me maybe a year and a half ago.

Speaker 2: 20:21

Well, I think that also segues us a little bit to my next question, because I know with being misunderstood, it depends on how someone misunderstands you, but there can be a lot of hurt there depending on how people perceive you misunderstand you. So do you, with your experiences of feeling misunderstood and all of that, do you consider anything absolutely unforgivable?

Speaker 3: 20:47

The rigid part of me, the part that lives by rules right, lives by rules so you don't get hurt. Lives by rules because you don't know how to make healthy boundaries, you know, cuts yourself out. I mean, you know, you know how I just retreat and stuff, and so I think for so long, the unforgivable thing really had to do with, like loyalty and consistent. You know what I mean. All these things internally, that, yes, they mean so much to me, right, but you can't expect yourself and every single other person, you can't expect people to mind read and I have become a better communicator about certain things, I'm a great communicator. If everything is in the land of you, you, you, in terms of like, I will give to you, I will pour you, I will listen to you and I will even listen to your complaints and I will try to fix. You know that type of stuff.

Speaker 3: 21:35

But when it comes, oh, I have an issue with you or I bring something up and I can't, I feel misunderstood. Immediate anxiety comes like rushing in and therefore I just want to retreat Like nope, let's just stop the conversation, because I don't, I don't know how to get this out, and all of this is a long way to say that I think where I stand on unforgivable is you never know what you're going to decide when your back's against the wall. You never know what you're going to decide when your back's against the wall. You never know what you're going to do with the cards you're given in that very moment, with what you know at that very moment, right, not a future version of you or a past version of you, just that very moment.

Speaker 3: 22:08

But I think, when it comes to unforgivable, because of that confrontation stuff and how much I hated it I gave forgiveness for every single thing so easily, and now I think that I don't believe anything is unforgivable. I think it's the relationship really matters, right, and I think forgiveness is something I do for you and I care less about that. So, no, nothing is not forgivable because I have been working on channeling my energy internally. So what do I need to forgive myself for, right? So what do I need to also do? To respond appropriately and either let go or work through.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Think that in situations, because what I hear there? I'm never that something might be done to you that's possibly unforgivable and you're looking at how you can respond in an approach. Do you think that, like there's instances where you should not have to check yourself and you should be able to respond how you feel?

Speaker 3: 23:18

so when I say check myself, I mean not so much like in terms of appropriate or for the other person, but more so, how will my response put me forward vulnerably, like because I know about myself that I'm too forgiving. I know that. Like if you have done something that really hurt me or you ghosted me. Or, for instance, if you reach out to me and maybe you haven't done right, maybe you know you ghosted me. Or, for instance, if you reach out to me and maybe you haven't done right, maybe you know you ghosted, maybe you weren't, you didn't show up when I needed you to around something. And then you, you come into my life, right, I, and you know this. You yell at me all the time. I have a tendency, right Of just to like, accept whatever that is and just and accept that low bar. And so now what I found is for again, forgiveness is for you. You need me to forgive you so that you feel better. Right, but what am? What do I need for me to let go of it? So I'm not carrying it, and how do I safeguard myself?

Speaker 3: 24:08

So recently my mom, my sister, went to a baby shower and there were people there that we were very close to at one point. And then there were. We had our first hiccup when I got in and like a lot of feeling like they were entitled to information and just kind of like treating me really poorly, and I forgave that right. When they came around, I forgave that and then my sister got married in 2020 with a pandemic, her wedding got canceled and she really cut all of her wedding stuff, like slimmed it out, and they were very hurt about being part of that slimmed out thing, but it was really just whatever, despite that having nothing to do with me, right, like that has nothing to do with me.

Speaker 3: 24:45

They like stopped talking to me because of the choice my sister made, the point being they went there and my mom, my sister, are very good about like. They can say like hi and be cordial and truly, and that be it. But if they said hi to me, I feel like I would have then been like how are you? Is every like? You know? I would have like extended that and I think that would have left me in a vulnerable place and not that I don't want to forgive, but like me not going to that shower saved me that energy in the future or saved me that negative residual thing of cleaning, you know up or extending forgiveness so you can forgive?

Speaker 3: 25:24

Yeah, you can forgive, but be smart about it Exactly and I and it sounds weird, but I genuinely believe forgiveness, right, is for you, right? Or it's for me, because if we're working through it together, right, I don't think then that's an unforgivable situation. I can honestly say there's nothing that Carrie can do, and I've really, me and my mom, have had like long hour long talks on like nothing she can do. That I can truly believe is unforgivable. You know, as long as we come to the table, as long as we show up for each other, and she's like, even if you cheat, if, even if she cheats and I was just like, yeah, I think that I'd want to first dissect, you know what got her to that point.

Speaker 3: 26:07

I miss, like, were you trying to get my attention? I think we use cheating as like, oh my God, the ultimate sin, or abortions or this, or you know, like we use these things as like, oh my God, like we're going to chastise people. But you know, again, I think when you're back against the wall, you you do the best you can with your emotional I don't know. And so, yeah, obviously I have a complicated relationship with forgiveness. That's what I got. I'm glad I'm not the only one that got complicated today.

Speaker 3: 26:31

Man, and when you first said it I was like, oh, I've got a great answer to this. And you know, three minutes into this answer, I'm like I don't even know what I said. You got flustered, I feel. Yeah, I got to bring that back to the journal. All right, titi, we've got two questions left. How about this? Ready, we will, you'll pick one and then we'll answer the last one together. Okay, two. In what ways have you changed in this recent era of your life that you do not like?

Speaker 2: 26:59

It's a little bit harder for me to be satisfied in terms of what I accomplish, and I think that stems back to what we talked about about my career change and stuff like that. Back to what we talked about about my career change and stuff like that. I don't like that. I'm constantly feeling like I need to do more, like I felt way more satisfied in my prior career than I do in this one, and I don't know why, but I think I don't really like that because I'm also someone that really likes to chill and to relax. I think because social media can be whenever you want to do it.

Speaker 2: 27:39

You're always feeling like well, I could be making content right now and I could be changing my course of like where I'm going, but because I'm taking time and relaxing, I'm missing out on that, whereas like when you have a standard job, like I had before, it was like OK, clock in, clock out, unless you're me. Yeah, I mean like I don't. So I don't like that about myself is that it's harder for me to relax because I feel like I'm not being lazy but I'm not taking every opportunity, and with social media and stuff like that, it's like every opportunity is 24 hours a day, and that's just sustainable.

Speaker 3: 28:14

It's really interesting that you say that, because back in oh my God, it's crazy it's been two years, may of 22. You came to me after two years of working together and you were just like I don't want you to hate me, but I need to step away because I'm not present for you and and rare and where we want to build, and I'm not present for my family and I don't. I don't like that about myself, I don't like this place that I'm in and you know, I think I think the internet wanted some like villainous, like story line.

Speaker 3: 28:46

Um, but I think in general again, like there was you approaching me and wanting out, like to me that was a great strength and brave, you know, a bravery, and to also do it in a way, in my opinion, that was honest and vulnerable and not just like ghosting, or you didn't just acknowledge, I guess. Also, you acknowledged, I think, that you weren't being present anywhere, right, yeah, I wasn't. And so I'm bringing this up because when you said that, it sounded a little bit like this identity, like this figuring it out is like taking you away from the present, or I think that's always been your problem with socials. You know, blog writing.

Speaker 2: 29:29

Because everything is right at your fingertips and so you know you could be missing out on something by not responding to a comment or whatever. And it's like it's easier to balance because both the kids are in school but they're about to be home for the summer and in my kids' minds you're accessible because you're home, like if you're at an actual job In your kids' minds.

Speaker 3: 29:47

screw that In my wife's mind. I hate school breaks now that I'm not working in the school, because when she has off she genuinely just has no comprehension of like work being quiet.

Speaker 2: 29:59

Like you can record anything. Yeah, mike's the same way. It's like, well, you're here. I'm like, well, I work here. So, yeah, I think it's hard and I think this summer is going to be, you know, a balancing act for me, but I'm going to do it because that's how I've always been. I just I figure it out, but it's, I want to be able to be like no, I can put my phone down at work all the time because I don't need to questions.

Speaker 3: 30:31

So I think it's so funny that therapeutic process, or when you start to unpack things, you see all these links right. What seemingly seems far apart are all these links Cause we we talked in the beginning about that enoughness, right, feeling enough, feeling content, that state of peace it's. It's crazy we're all upset about control, but that state of peace is something we can give ourselves. Yeah, but there's a ton of mental work that has to go into it, right, and you're not going to like me saying this, but of course you'll always figure it out Like of course you're always fine. Those are different than process your emotions. I feel like, since I've known you, I've been like stop minimizing your emotions every single time you approach them, especially around your career. I think, right, when you go out with friends and you feel sad like you're, like I feel guilty that I feel sad so many like beliefs and judgments on your own feelings. Don't worry folks, she's also probably judging you on your feelings, but not harsher than she's judging herself on her feelings.

Speaker 2: 31:25

I will say I am rough on myself in that department. But I think, because I know I'm rough on myself in that department, I make a conscious effort with the boys, especially because they're boys and there's this narrative like oh, boys don't cry, they do. So I try and make a really strong effort with them to let them know that it's okay to feel how they feel, it's okay to be angry. Obviously, when you're angry, you got to curb. Curb that and not like act out on it. I tell Owen that all the time but I know that I lack in that area for myself.

Speaker 3: 31:57

So, with the boys mom's trauma, dad's trauma, all their values and everything growing up and then you get there and you're like what am I not going to do to you that was done to me? What am I going to do extra for you? Right, and it's like you have to balancing that all out. I always feel that parents don't do this enough, because our focus is always on the kids. But the best thing you can do is figure out yourself, know yourself, know what those emotions are, what they're signaling for you, and process it on your own, so that you're not putting that on your kids. But thank you for coming to my TED talk. All right, I think this is a good last question. Before you do the question, though, give me the age when, growing up, that you felt most vulnerable.

Speaker 2: 32:47

I would say maybe like seven. Okay, I would say seven, and the only reason why that sticks in my mind is because I got a really bad haircut from my sister when I was seven.

Speaker 3: 33:01

Seven how old? Like you're, second grade, right, you are like first or second. When I was in the first grade, I got a really freaking bad haircut from. We called her I don't know Mima Tilly. I don't know what the hell her name was. I can't remember which one was her name and which one was the my, my grandpa's second wife. Anyway, she wanted to be a hairdresser and my mom thought it was a great idea to give her my hair. I just feel like we like unlock something, though TT. Both of us have really really really long hair that we don't let anyone touch, and I don't know. I feel like we're having a very shared experience here. But go ahead Tell me about this hair.

Speaker 2: 33:36

Well, that's why I feel like I was the most vulnerable, because and I don't know maybe that's where I had to like buck up my confidence, because I mean, I had this long, beautiful hair and she cut it up to my eyeballs Like I had a bowl cut.

Speaker 3: 33:51

I just can't believe you had a bowl cut. Ok, just so you know what we're going to do in this episode.

Speaker 2: 33:55

We're going to find a picture.

Speaker 3: 33:56

I'm going to find a picture. You're going to find a picture we're doing side by side. I kid you not Horrible Bowl cut, it was just like weird, like yeah, don't touch it as adults. And again, another one of those moments where you can spend so much time with someone and all this right, but like not know these things. We've always known, we connected and stuff, but like oh my gosh.

Speaker 2: 34:18

Yeah, no, chopped it all off and I got made fun of so bad. I was called a boy and then, on top of that, I had a horrible like. Instead of a rolly school bag because they were in, my grandma got me a rolly suitcase but I was like, whatever, I'll use it. So I got made fun of that. I made fun of my hair okay.

Speaker 3: 34:33

Well, are you ready for the question? What I know, you thought that was the question, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna. If you could go back and tell that seven-year-old girl something, what would you tell her?

Speaker 2: 34:45

to get through to her that hair grows back and that if someone is making fun of you it's only a reflection of themselves. Because I don't think kids realize that. I mean I realize that obviously as an adult, because if you internally feel the need to be mean to someone else, you're lacking something, you're something's missing within you or you've got some scars there or whatever, because you know we all make mistakes and we all may do things that are nice, but actually making fun of someone takes a conscious effort to be like malicious, and I think that if you were like I could never purposely be malicious to someone, like it would not, like I wouldn't do it out of intention, and I think when people do do that it's because they have some deep wound. But kids don't understand that and so I would tell myself as a kid, like if they're making fun of you it's a reflection of themselves.

Speaker 3: 35:37

I really love that because I'm sure my mom said that my whole life. But I was 26 when my mom said to me you know, what people say about you is none of your business, and I was like really taken back by that. But essentially I was like really taken back by that, but essentially I feel like that it was the way that it clicked for me that what you're just saying, right, like it's not about you, right, and it's none of your business to know someone's opinion about you, because most likely, if it's an opinion that's behind your back or it's an opinion that's nasty and mean, it has nothing to do with you and for sure has nothing to do with that person wanting your best interest or wanting your growth right, because then they come to you. That's feedback, right, and you don't have to take everybody's feedback. It depends on who's coming from. All that good stuff. But I love that.

Speaker 2: 36:23

Okay, so that is all for my first and last therapy session. We did it for everyone else to experience, but I think that is enough for me today oh my gosh, I love that so much.

Speaker 3: 36:36

Tell us what you thought about this type of unpack episode. Do you want to see more of it? Would you like to have it released as bonuses? Because I think it could be super helpful. You can submit your questions. We can answer them along with you. Well, I think it could be a new segment tt I think so too.

Speaker 2: 36:53

I too. I think it's fun, it's unexpected and I think it's real raw and rare Until next time you're always fine.

Speaker 4: 37:02

Seriously, you're fine. You're fine because you have the power to access your place of peace anytime you need it. However, if you get stuck, we're right at the palm of your hand to help. Check out our show notes for this week's Sourceless Recommended Content and Cabana Live Group Schedule. We'll catch you next week for a brand new episode of You're Always Fine.