Check your empathy

This is Bite of Balance, your weekly snack-sized therapy sesh. I'm your host, teresa, and this week, on the podcast, we took a look at empathy misses. Have you ever poured your heart out to someone, only to feel like they just didn't get it? Well, you're not alone, and that happens actually quite often. So today we're unpacking the concept of empathy misses, how they feel on the receiving end, and maybe even bringing to your awareness some that you might be guilty of. So grab your favorite beverage, get cozy and let's freaking get into it. Okay, so the first thing that we really need to do when we're dissecting empathy misses and figuring out how to receive them, how to handle them, is understanding the difference between empathy and sympathy. First things first, let's clear up the confusion.

Empathy isn't just about feeling sorry for someone. Honestly, people that are searching for empathy, they don't want you to feel sorry for them. It's actually about truly understanding and connecting with their emotions. Empathy is about being able to understand what someone else is going through, feel what they're feeling and understand why they feel that way. It's all about the connection of a feeling, not the connection of the exact experience. Now, with all that said, it's not always easy to do that, especially since when we connect with other people, a lot of times we try and draw from our experiences. So when you don't have an exact experience, empathy takes some work and practice. So here's an example. Imagine a friend confides in you about feeling overwhelmed at work. Instead of immediately offering solutions such as maybe you should talk to your boss or you should try time management techniques, instead you respond with empathy by saying I hear you. It sounds like work has been really challenging lately. How are you holding up? Give them the opportunity to talk more with you about their situation.

Empathy misses can be extremely damaging in relationships. They invalidate someone's lived experience and block authentic connection. I mean, imagine you're pouring your heart out to someone, only to be met with minimization or attempts to fix your problems. It's like swinging and missing in a game of emotional baseball. When you start to be able to recognize the empathy misses you experience with people, you'll then be able to recognize where you lack in the empathy department. And let's be real, we all miss in the empathy department at some point in our life, whether we minimize someone else's struggle by offering solutions instead of listening. I am super guilty of this one. Or maybe we compare our struggles to theirs and let them know that what they're going through just really isn't that bad. Or my favorite term, it could be worse. Literally, that term drives me insane.

Cultivating empathy is a journey, not a destination. It starts with self-awareness and acceptance. Trust me, I had to do a lot of that in the empathy department. I really needed to take a step back and realize, wow, I am not good here in this department and I don't like it when people don't give me empathy, so I really need to work on this. You need to recognize when you're falling into the trap of an empathy miss and course correct. You can do this by practicing active listening, validate others' emotions and resist the urge to one-up or fix their problems. The fixing of the problems, again, something I totally struggle with. I am a fixer and always remember that empathy is a two-way street. Be open to receiving empathy as much as you give it.

So, with all that said, this brings me to our take-home tool for the day. We are going to call this the empathy meter. Take a moment to assess your level of empathy in conversations. Are you truly listening and understanding, or are you jumping to solutions or comparisons? Aim to keep your empathy meter in check and strive for genuine connection in every interaction. If you do that and keep those things in mind, you not only are going to be able to recognize when you are lacking and missing in the empathy department, but you're also going to be able to recognize when someone else is missing in the empathy department with you, and then together you can correct and get on a better journey of empathy. So that is all I have for you today. If you missed this week's full episode on empathy misses, go check it out on the you're always fine podcast. Until next time I am out.