Navigating resolutions with grace

Cabana: 0:03

Welcome back to You're Always Fine a space to show up for yourself and embrace the mess that lives underneath. Because, let's be real, it's exhausting always being fine. So grab your headphones and allow yourself to listen, laugh and even cry, because you are not alone. And we aren't always fine, and that's okay.

Kristine: 0:27

Welcome to season two of You're Always Fine. The break was way too long, but I'm happy to be back behind the mic creating space to not be fine. I'm your host, christine, and this season my co-host is Teresa Thomas. Hello, hello. Are we ready for this adventure? I'm not sure we are?

Theresa: 0:43

I'm ready. Is everyone else ready? Is my question?

Kristine: 0:46

We have a lot of stuff that is going to be packed into this season for you, but today we wanted to start off with resolutions. Now you might be saying, why resolutions? It's February, but that's exactly it. A lot of times we see this huge push in January and then, come February, it's like I'll try again next year.

Theresa: 1:06

Next year, 2025.

Kristine: 1:09

Actually I was just kidding, I was just joking around. I'm curious Did you set a resolution?

Theresa: 1:18

this year, teresa. So for me I did, and some of my resolutions are going to seem ridiculous, but for me, as a mom, one of my biggest resolutions and actually now that we're talking about it, I'm realizing I'm failing miserably at it. If I don't have somewhere to be outside of my home, and even sometimes when I do, I don't really put that much effort into myself. If people see a video recording of this, this really is like I didn't complete my resolution today, but one of them is to actually wear the things that are in my closet because it seems small, but you do feel better about yourself when you put a little bit of time. I'm not talking like I mean I'm a mom so I don't have that much time on my hands, but I'm talking like an extra 10 minutes so I don't look like an ogre.

Kristine: 2:04

So that's one of them. Wait really quick on that one. I think it's something so funny because, I agree, I don't know if skincare actually does anything for my skin and or if I'm even putting on makeup correctly. But I will say it's part of my morning routine and those minutes that are truly just for me it kind of sets the whole tone of my day.

Theresa: 2:25

Yeah, it starts you off, this habit that I always fall into and I'm still falling into it. I'm not perfect is I'll go and I'm like, okay, I have to shower, so I'll take a shower and then I will hop right back into clean sweatpants and clean pajamas. But I'm like, what was the purpose of that? I still look like I smell, even though I don't Put on a pair of jeans.

Kristine: 2:48

Lady, I will say, though, you at least have a little bit more on me, because you know I don't like to leave the house point blank, period, and like COVID leggings, and like people not being able to smell me has like completely changed the game, and I will say, like that's how I started doing a morning routine. I was like, because I I can't love being home this much and not change anything. But okay, give me some of your other resolutions, because you know I have a hot take on resolutions that I was coming in, so go ahead so um, so I would say I am being very good with the gym, but that is a hard one for me, because I'm usually good with that.

Theresa: 3:30

So I didn't want to like make a resolution where I'm like, oh, I'm like going to do something that's easy for me. So my resolution is like, if I can't get to the gym, which is my favorite way to work out is actually getting out of my house and going I'm committing to at least moving my body in some way, shape or form, whether that be at home, like I got a walking pad.

Kristine: 3:49

I did notice that you finally came and got the walking pad. I did. And because I'm like, I called my therapist.

Theresa: 3:58

Well cause I was like no excuses, like if it's cold or it's snowing and I can't get there, like I'm committing to moving my body, so there really is no way for me to be like, oh, I can't work out today, I can't go to the gym. It's like no, pull your walking pad out and walk on the walking pad. So that's another one.

Kristine: 4:14

I love it. It's so interesting cause I think our brains do this thing where it's like we're really hard on ourselves, like negative self-talk and everything, but also we are really good at like creating reasons why potentially we could not achieve this and I wouldn't call it grace because we pay for it some other way. It's not like self-compassion I'm talking about here. I'm talking about like, the ways in which we trick ourselves to like.

Theresa: 4:38

Oh yeah, we convince ourselves like no, this is totally acceptable. And in the back of your mind you're like no, you're like flaking on your resolution. What are you doing?

Kristine: 4:46

Which is why I have a big problem with resolutions, and here it is people. I hate them. I hate them because I think that while they're great and I know there's like an intention, when I've done the one word intentions, I'm just like I don't even know what to do with this word. This isn't even a goal or a task. What do I do with that word? So that didn't work for me. Then it's like set resolutions and you know me, I'm pretty black and white, like I like to do something, and then it's like I either did it or I didn't do it, and like that black and white does not really lend itself, I'd say, to like healthy habits or like goal changing. You know what I mean.

Theresa: 5:24

Yeah, definitely, and I create a lot of pressure.

Kristine: 5:26

Yes, and I think that's why we see this February like slump of like try again next year, right, because it's like, if you first of all anyone else feel like January was a whole year itself, because I do.

Theresa: 5:35

Um, yeah, we're just going to act like January wasn't around. I don't know what happened in January. My life was just. I don't know what that was.

Kristine: 5:43

There was 12 months in just this January 2024.

Kristine: 5:45

I don't, I don't really know, but so that is why this year I did something different and I cannot we're going to have to wait until next January for the success. However, I do believe it has changed some of my mindset around resolution because, also, I feel I don't know about you, but like I sit down, you know, on New Year's or the week of New Year's, whatever, coming up to it, off of that Christmas high and um, I can't think of a single thing like I did that I'm like proud of, or a single thing right, like I lost 40 pounds last year and like it was not in my radar of like wins or this right, because like I, never that wasn't my goal my resolution, you know what I mean. Like it just, yeah, it's so easy to forget the wins, I guess. So this is why this year I made myself a bingo board. Of course you did, and what I did was I sat and I was like, okay, in a year from now, like who do I want to be? What do I want to actually see change?

Kristine: 6:42

I wanted like tangible things. I wanted to be in control of my health, because, you know me, I'm a very passive participant in my health. Oh, yeah, okay, what. What does that look like? And then I broke that into like 24 different squares, and what is any bingo board without incentives? Let's be real, that's all. Oh my God, you and I are so different. We couldn't be more different.

Kristine: 7:01

I know this probably stresses you out, and this is keeping me sane, right now, yeah, that's wild and so, like, I have a bunch of things on it here, like, for instance, create a night routine, then maintain a night routine, because, rather than like trying to figure out why the routine wasn't working, it's like, nope, guess I just should stay up all night. Night routines don't work for me, only have my morning routine, and I know for my morning routine, that's like not, that's not it. And so I'm going on this venture with this and, like, one of the huge things I'm trying to take from it is that 12 months in a year, right, 24 things that I would like to see happen in this year Like it's one that's very doable, but also it feels wow, you don't have to rush to do everything the first month. You know like, and I do have time. Yes, it's a whole year, and I don't think I realized it until bingo, you're bingo board.

Theresa: 7:49

Well, I think a lot of people too, like they'll give themselves resolutions that are like either like completely unattainable and unrealistic and you almost, like, without even realizing it, set yourself up to fail. Like for me, I have a life where I'm all over the place I've got two kids. Like if my expectation for myself this year was to get to the gym every single day and then I miss one day, I'm going to feel like I failed. But if I say to myself, okay, I am working in like buffers for when I have a day that I can't Control, if I have a day where I wake up and I don't feel well and I'm like you know what my body hurts, so bad I can't do my routine, I can still get up and walk on the walking pad.

Theresa: 8:33

Or like I think people need to realize that, like you can't control every aspect of life and so when you're making resolutions, you need to have built in buffers so that you're still Obtaining, like, the goal that you're setting for yourself, but in a different way. Like it doesn't have to be so rigid and it doesn't have to be so like this is what I said I'm going to do, there's no compromise. Like you have to give yourself a realistic goal with everything else you have going on.

Kristine: 8:59

I love that. I don't know if you've ever read Atomic Habits by James Clear. Honestly, I read the first chapter. I'm not even sure I've ever finished a book because I get so much out of the first chapter. Then he kicks my butt that I'm like I can't read anymore. That's on my bingo board. People, just if you're wondering, finish the whole book. Anyway, in the first he says you don't fail, your system failed. And I feel like that's exactly what you were talking to. And you know me, I'm very rigid and so like having different things that I can do in a night routine to put in right, or like I can pick it up here, feels so good and that's why I love my morning routine so much. Honestly, because I don't punish myself for the things I don't do, or if it looks different than the way I want it to and you know me, that's a big character for me is that like if it's not exactly the way I see it. I ended up crying on the floor. Which true life story.

Theresa: 9:51

Yeah, that is very true. Yeah, it's just like you have to. You have to have the buffers built in. And you know, even when I did that for myself, I was able to translate that to my kids because, like, michael Jr is nine now and he's so serious when it comes to like, like has to be this way, and I don't know where he gets that from, because he doesn't get that from me, and he definitely doesn't get it from Mike.

Theresa: 10:11

I'm like who's child are you? Like? What are you doing? But like we just went on a trip and we came home and he's super overwhelmed that he has all this stuff he has to catch up on and I was like you don't have to do it the way that it's like he's like no, I have to do it this way. I'm like no, you don't. Like your teacher is building a buffer for you and we can do a couple things at a time. So I'm glad that I started doing this with myself, because I was recognizing in him like oh my gosh, he's stressing himself out because he knows he has an unattainable goal, and so now I have to like break it up for him and give him buffers to make him realize like yo, cold, your jets will get it done.

Kristine: 10:52

Well, it's so interesting too because, right, I would say, on paper, you're one of the most relaxed, like kind of go with the flow people. However, because your life is very busy with, like being a mom and content creator, podcasting all the different like hats you wear, I find that, like you do, you like to check things off the list, like complete a project and then just like ship it off.

Kristine: 11:13

And for nine years, michael Jr has literally like watched you model that and so it's. I think it's so important to call out you model what it is like for your kids and you also can, as you learn and evolve, teach them like there's a better way to handle this Rather than, like, staying up. I'm still learning this, but I'm trying staying up all night to like get quote unquote caught up like there's not been caught up in life. You know Whether you took that trip and loved it or you didn't take that trip, you weren't gonna be caught up in. Like that's a hard life. I feel like that's a really hard one, yeah.

Theresa: 11:42

It is because you, you give yourself an expectation and you don't necessarily meet it. So you have to adjust your expectations and I actually it. I consider this like a parenting, when, like we've been Telling Michael, because he gets so caught up in life and he gets so busy where I'm like, okay, one of the things he forgets is like his basic needs of like eating, and like all the sun will be falling apart. I'm like, are you hungry? So, like I had a whole conversation with him and I'm like you need to really like you need to focus on that, like that's like your basic need.

Theresa: 12:14

And the other day in the car, like we were talking about it, and he was like I did remember like that I started to get hungry and I remember to eat today and he like was sitting there, his hands fold it and he looks so cute and he was like I'm at least I'm trying, at least I'm working on it, and I was like that's it, that's all I want. Like before, yeah, like before he would be so stressed out like, oh my gosh, like I know that, like he'd be so overwhelmed, but instead he was able to shift his mindset and be like I'm trying and I think with resolutions that's really all that matters, like if you can get to the next year and sit there and say, okay, I might not have gotten to all my goals, but I got to the buffers of my goals and I.

Cabana: 12:53

Did better and better.

Kristine: 12:54

I'm one, but you know, and I love, I love that and it's making sure that when you get to the Like, then like 20, 25, let's say right, when we're in the same position, it's like not about what you did on the paper, right, it's like not about the thing, it's also about just like Remembering all the things a lot happens in a year. Being so present with like that there's 12 months in a year has also helped me to slow down. Hey, this happy moment happened today. Like I want to remember it next year, put it in the jar or, like you know, just do something that we're not clumping everything based on, like the emotion right, because we talked about this in the beginning like the emotional high of the holidays, whether that's a higher or low for you, or like something that's right there can like kind of influence, right, like, oh, I want to make these big changes and yeah and, like I said, I think you're right.

Kristine: 13:39

It's like it's good to have goals or resolutions, but how you put them in your brain is so important. Yeah, like you don't want to.

Theresa: 13:47

You don't want to focus so hard on your resolutions that you don't recognize your progress. Oh Ooh, like you know, like it you might not have gotten there, but you might have gotten halfway there. You might have gotten three fourths of the way there, which you wouldn't have gotten there if you didn't make the resolution in the first place. And you know, so you don't want to time, you know, like not. Yeah, you just might have needed more time.

Kristine: 14:07

Like who says that the time that you're giving yourself one year is enough, like it might not be enough and I mean I think, right, I've one of the skills I'm really trying to get better at is like just time estimation, like how long does something me? And then like add time to it because, like life, but I love that I would love to know like we should look this up, like Like who decide on resolutions and why they come in new year, why don't they come on your birthday, right?

Theresa: 14:31

Like I think, yeah, I actually want to know who it was and if they made all their resolutions.

Kristine: 14:36

That's what I want to know who came up with Resolution. I know, the HM Babylonians are said to have been the first people to make New Year's resolutions, some 4,000 years ago.

Theresa: 14:47

I want to know. The progress is what I want to know. Maybe I don't. Actually we'll get all this information about all these things they accomplished and I'll be like shit you know we're just gonna take it that like 4,000 years ago and there's still work in progress. Like I can live with that. Yeah, definitely 100%, because I think we all are a 100%. We're never, we're never at our end goal.

Kristine: 15:10

I feel like yes, and I think the hardest part is realizing that there's no such thing as being healed, there's no such thing as Happy as a destination or you know, I've been through therapy right Like the reality of it is is it's just like one big loop.

Theresa: 15:26

Go as I work in progress with, with everything, and if you, once you acknowledge that, I think you can let go a lot of the burden and a lot of the stress because, like, even like, just real quick when it comes to like the boys and their sports right, like they're very athletic, they're very good at what they do. But, like as a parent, I'm never gonna sit there and I'm gonna praise them for the good things that they do, but I'm never going to act like they can't improve anymore. I and that's a balance Like you want them to recognize like you are talented, but at the same time, I'm like there is always room for growth, always. You can always practice more, you can always improve certain aspects of your game and that's not a bad thing. It doesn't mean you didn't accomplish anything. It just means you can grow more if you want to.

Kristine: 16:12

I knew that would get you fired up, but I completely agree just on your comment that where you are going, there's always especially, I think, in this like exploring your inner self and really understanding like what makes you tick and understanding like how emotions process through, and all that. I think it's so important to realize like we're constantly taking so much in in a way that we've never really had before, like prior to like right Seven second videos and like internet access in, and there's going to be some changes right that we like allow in for the wrong reasons and ones that like are there because it's like hey, like you know, like I really want to be able to do this, because I see the value for my life and I think that's a good thing to be constantly evolving right, like definitely I would agree. So do you have any last tips for anyone who maybe fell off the resolution or potentially didn't even make a resolution?

Theresa: 17:09

Yeah, so, if you didn't make any. That was me. I didn't make mine right away because I honestly didn't even think about it. If you didn't make any, just take five minutes. It doesn't take long. Take five minutes and sit there and think of things that you want to accomplish and then look at your life and give yourself realistic expectations. Do not set yourself up for some unattainable goal. Set your goal small and then I feel like once you achieve a small goal, you're more likely to reach further. Like, instead of saying this year I'm going to lose, let's say, his weight loss, I'm going to lose a hundred pounds. That's a big number. So say I'm going to lose 10. Like, if you have a more realistic goal for yourself that you feel like you could get to in a quicker timeframe, once you lose 10 pounds you're going to be like holy crap, that really was not that hard. Let me shoot for 10 more.

Kristine: 18:04

So like whether you Good habits, like things like that they stack up on top of each other just as easily as negative things, right, but like so much easier to like go down the rabbit hole or like be in the doghouse with something and like be all the way in fact, and we are to be like, wow, like this one little thing stacked on with this one little thing. Next thing, I know I'm past that hundred, right.

Theresa: 18:25

And my last piece of advice is give yourself the fricking cookie Like. Give yourself the cookie Like if you and what I mean by that is like if you achieved your goal. Like I always tease my husband like if he's home and he'll be like I did the dishes today and I'm always like, do you want a cookie? Like I do that every day. But like, seriously, if, like that's what you need, give yourself the cookie. Like. Give yourself the past on the back and be like I did that. Like there's no shame in recognizing what you did, what you accomplished. There's no shame in bragging about yourself for a second and being like I, fricking, did that and I'm proud of myself for it. So give yourself the fricking cookie, absolutely you aren't good.

Kristine: 19:05

Check out our show notes for content and live groups related to this topic. We'll be back in your feed Thursday for our first bite of balance of season two. Until then, mind your health. Seriously, you're fine. You're fine because you have the power to access your place of peace anytime you need it. However, if you get stuck, we're right at the palm of your hand to help. Check out our show notes for this week's source list, recommended content and cabana live group schedule. We'll catch you next week for a brand new episode of You're Always Fine.